When it comes to children of special needs, it seems as if everyone has an opinion about parents' issues such as what the future holds.
Unfortunately, these often-dire predictions do little to motivate families to help their children find special needs resources in order to reach their full potential. Buying into stinging words about uncertain futures can prove overwhelming for most parents. Plus it can seriously limit their children's success, leading to a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.
How would you like to have three strikes against you before you even get up to bat?
After parenting a child with cerebral palsy for more than a decade, my advice to families is to ignore the negative predictions about your child's future. Instead, focus on making good parenting choices today.
Be Patient and Persistent
Parenting a child with special needs is like an endurance race. You'll be more likely to win if you take a series of slow and steady steps toward small goals. It takes time, practice and persistence for any child to achieve success. No dancer starts out in the Nutcracker ballet; no athlete begins by winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics.
This slow and steady approach to parenting can help families bounce back from tough parenting moments.
Take One Day at a Time
Trying to predict the future of a child with special needs is too overwhelming for most families and with good reason. It may take all of their time and energy just to meet today's challenges.
There is no road map for this parenting journey. But taking one day at a time will help families stay on this rocky path. Try building on each day's successes and remember some days will be easier than others.
Seize the Day!
The most important time you have to shape your child's future is right now. By giving your child your best parenting efforts today, he may well beat some pretty scary statistics.
Had I believed all the dire predictions about my son's future, I would have missed some great chances to create a brighter future for him. Instead, I now look back in amazement at how far we have all come and how much he has achieved.
Choosing to live in the moment was one of the best parenting decisions I ever made. Here are six tips to help you do just that:
- Help your child achieve personal success today. That may involve potty training, speaking first words, shorter hospital stays or better behavior at bedtime. Celebrate even small victories.
- Express your feelings about having a child with special needs, especially when developmental "firsts" are clearly delayed. Throw out standard baby books and keep a record of your own child's development.
- Refuse to allow others to limit your expectations. Children develop differently, with or without special needs. Unless that person has walked in similar shoes, he or she cannot begin to predict your child's future. The limiting comments of others will only drain the energy you need to parent your child well.
- Find time each day to take care of yourself, no matter what your demands. Have a special cup of coffee, relax and congratulate yourself for the important work you are doing to recognize and celebrate your child's value. Most people with disabilities who later succeed in life give their parents the credit.
- Believe that your decisions are working, even though you may not see all the results until your child is older.
- Get the services your child needs today, so he or she doesn't need to play catch-up later on. Early intervention is critical to children with special needs.
Judy Winter is a mother and award-winning freelance writer.