The boss has been calling and your wallet is getting light. But how can you leave this brand new person who depends on you for everything?
There are no easy answers. Deciding when or whether to go back to work is one of the toughest of parents' issues. You may hear different advice from almost everyone you meet. How does going back to work affect babies' development? How does it affect child social development? Here are some facts that may help you decide in a way that seems right for you.
- Parenting has never been a solo job. Grandparents, families, friends and neighbors have always been part of the child care team. Paid care providers are a modern addition to the mix.
- Nothing is more important right now than creating a safe, warm and caring place for your child to spend his or her days. It is the key to healthy development in every area: social, emotional, brain and body. Whatever care arrangement you choose must provide this kind of setting.
- As far as we can tell, small children can adjust to more than one caregiver without giving up their strong attachment to their parents. This is true especially if you have developed strong connections during the baby’s first 3 or 4 months. However, parents need to be fully available to their child during the after-work hours if they want these connections to remain strong.
- If you are a two-parent family, don’t assume you can’t afford to live on one income if you really want to. Many parents find that when they add up all the costs of working, they can earn money by saving money. When adding up costs, include child care, transportation, taxes (two incomes could put you in a higher bracket), meals, wardrobe and services like lawn care or cleaning that you may no longer have time to do for yourself. If it still pays to have that second income or benefits, explore all your options: flex time; family help; or “tag-team” parenting, where parents work different schedules to allow one parent to be home at all times.
- You will need to adjust to whatever option you choose. Very few parents find it easy to spend every day with their babies during the first few months. It’s tiring, messy, lonely and discouraging at times. But most families say the rewards do come. Mothers who return to work also face adjustments. While you may enjoy getting back to a job you love, you may also struggle with powerful emotions: jealousy of a new caregiver, loneliness and worry about the baby.