We can reduce stress in children by teaching them how to cope with difficulties. But sometimes adults need help learning to help. Christine Boisvert, who teaches a parenting workshop on independent problem-solving through Oakland (Michigan) Schools, offers the following family ideas for coaching kids through their issues.
- Acknowledge your child’s feelings of frustration.
- Know when limits have been reached. Don’t jump in too soon to do a task your child might have figured out on his own. But listen and watch for signs of defeat—when your child starts crying or throwing things to the ground, it’s time to lend a hand.
- Take a break and think. Ask your child, “What are some ways we might be able to solve this problem?”
- Help your child break up the problem into smaller, easy-to-manage goals to set.
- Make a plan for how to solve each part.
- Provide encouragement during the process with comments such as, “That’s a good way to hold it,” or, “Try moving to your left a bit.”
- Reflect on the process after the problem has been solved, providing specific feedback rather than empty praise. Instead of repeating, “Good job!” all day long, try precise critiques such as, “It was smart to untie your shoe before you tried to put your foot in,” or, “I liked the way you hung in there and didn’t give up.”
Boisvert says that by resisting the urge to rush in and solve your child’s minor everyday problems, you are helping them develop:
- Curiosity
- Patience
- Flexibility
- Critical thinking
- Perseverance
- Confidence