Reading stories before bedtime, pizza and a movie Friday nights and Sunday dinner. These simple family home activities are both warm and enjoyable by themselves, but research also emphasizes their importance in child development. You may not think these experiences qualify as a family ritual -- but they do, because it’s something that parents and children look forward to doing together.
A ritual is any repeated, shared activity that has meaning and is rewarding for family members and you can start them at any age level. Think about your toddler and activities you can share together. There also are infant activities and games for preschoolers.
According to Meg Cox, expert on rituals and author of "The Heart Of A Family: Searching America for Traditions that Fulfill Us," ritual is anything, big or small, that families perform together deliberately, providing there is repetition or some dramatic flourish that elevates the activity above the ordinary grind. She adds, “Rituals are like a magical power; the more we understand them the more their power will enrich our lives.”
Rituals Add Meaning, Texture and Richness to Our Existence.
They celebrate commonality, connection and belonging. One of the ways a family becomes solid is by cultivating rituals. They also help children learn what to expect from their environment and how to understand the world around them. Studies have shown that the kids who are best equipped to face the challenges of life and stay centered are those who feel close to their families, and that closeness comes from the routine reassurances and shared experiences found in everyday rituals. In fact studies have shown these repeated positive experiences form strong connections between neurons in the brain and foster a sense of well-being.
Rituals are integral family resources that can act as a coping mechanism during times of challenge and can enhance family’s well-being while strengthening family ties.
Psychologists tell us that rituals help us keep track of where we came from and who we are. This is key for all family members but profoundly significant for children who are forming their identities. They offer a comforting sense of predictability and order to life. When children have a clear sense of where they come from, they have a better sense of where they are going. Knowing what to do and being able to predict what comes next helps a child feel competent--and feeling competent is key to emotional well-being. Daily rituals give us a sense of the rhythm of our lives, help us make transitions more readily and express who we are as family.
Rituals and Fun Family Activities
They will delight in rituals, look forward to them, learn from them and feel comforted and grounded by their constancy. Positive family rituals leave indelible imprints on children’s minds and will form treasured memories that will likely be passed on from generation to generation. Knowing that every fall a family goes pumpkin- and apple-picking makes the season something to look forward to and savor.
The challenge, of course, lies in making the decision to create this time and saying no to intrusions. With the myriad demands on our time today it will require some effort, but the payoff will be well worth it. And once you have good family rituals in place, keeping them alive takes work. Do everything you can to keep it going. If it’s centered on a specific day, like Sunday dinner, and you’re not able to do it one week, don’t let it slip away. Squeeze it in when you can. With some attentiveness, your family rituals will survive the demands of life and may endure for generations to come. And know that no matter what life brings, rituals can act as a safety net for your family members. Establishing your own distinctive rituals now and faithfully repeating them will offer a much-needed shelter in these unsettling times.
Take Time to Be a Family for Kids
What family keepsakes are you creating for your children?
If you are inspired but feel at a loss at the thought of starting your own family’s rituals, here are some ideas to use as a springboard for action.
- Eat together. If you’re like many families today, you can’t swing family dinners seven nights a week. Try for breakfast together or snacks in the evening. These relaxed moments of sharing food and conversation provide a much-needed platform for sharing and reconnecting before racing to the next pursuit.
- Recognition night. A fun way to celebrate your child’s achievements in the classroom or extracurriculars is to serve an “honoree dinner” on a special plate reserved for that occasion, with all the comfort foods they have come to crave.
- Family night. Designate one night week as sacred solely for family members to connect, interact and communicate while having wholesome fun. One week you could play board games, another rent a movie with popcorn and candy, or have a cooking night where family members plan the meal and help cook it as a team.
- Unbirthday. Surprise your child by unexpectedly deciding to celebrate with her favorite meal and a cake along with small tokens of affection.
- Give a helping hand day. Help children cultivate altruism and to think of others less fortunate. Try as a family to do some community service like volunteer at a nursing home or in a soup kitchen, or collect food for a local food pantry.