Following are some suggestions to consider when you and your child disagree. Remember: disagreements are unavoidable. It’s
how you disagree that matters.
- Listen carefully to your child without interrupting. Repeat the main points in your own words, and then ask whether you heard correctly. Clear up misunderstandings on the spot.
- Show that you are interested in what your child is saying and sympathetic to his or her feelings by using such sentences as Would you tell me more about…, Can you give me an example of…, and I can understand why you would feel that way.
- Use specific I statements rather than general you statements. For example, you might say I feel as though the family is incomplete when you don’t join us on visits to grandma instead of You never visit grandma with us.
- Support your feelings and opinions with facts. You might tell your teenager that he or she is not allowed to talk on a cell phone while driving because cell phones distract drivers and cause accidents. That’s a fact.
- Stick to the present. Concentrate on the issue at hand.
- Aim to understand and communicate rather than win. Frequently, you and your child will simply have to agree to disagree. You may not end the disagreement in smiles, but both of you should feel understood and respected.
- Compromise whenever possible, but recognize that a compromise may not please either you or your child completely.
- Don’t be discouraged! Respectful disagreement takes practice, and if your family is like every other, you’re sure to get plenty of opportunities for that.