Almost all of us fall victim to "Parenting Myths" of one kind or another. If life with a toddler isn't quite what you expected, this column is for you.

Myth

The best way to leave a clingy child is to sneak away when she's busy playing so she won't notice you're gone.

Fact

Sneaking away from a child may provide a more peaceful separation. However, it can also damage her sense of trust and security. The child may fear that you will disappear without notice, and will cling even harder, following you around to ensure you won't leave again. There are things you can do to help a shy child feel secure and more ready to separate from you. 

  • Be honest. Tell your child when you are leaving the house (or babysitter's) and when she will be staying with other caregivers. While she may protest your leaving, being honest will show her that you are truthful, reliable and trustworthy. 
  • Be confident. Don't ask her permission, and don't apologize for leaving. Instead, let her know you understand her feelings by saying: "I know you feel sad when we leave." Offer hugs and kisses. Remind your child about all the fun things she will be doing with her caregiver. Tell her you will return later. Then calmly and confidently leave the room. Don't go back! 
  • Practice makes perfect. Plan brief, frequent separations in the safety of your own home, so she can practice the skills she needs to become independent. When she is playing with her toys, for example, let her know you will be going to another room and will return shortly. Praise every small victory. Even if she comes to look for you in five minutes, say, "I'm proud of you for playing with your blocks when I went to the other room. You must be proud, too." 
  • Ask for help. Rather than leaving for several long outings each month, arrange for some short separations each week. Ask a neighbor or relative to come to the house while you run an errand or take a walk. Gradually your child will learn and master the skills she needs to cope with separations.



Source: "Positive Parenting," by Debbie Glasser, Ph.D., Hometown Herald, Pembroke Pines, Fla. May 3, 2001.