Testy. Frustrated. Grumpy. Just plain mad. All of these described my normally happy son near the end of his first year. All of the toys he used to love suddenly bored him. Favorite baby activities just made him more angry. I thought this phase would never end.

Then one day he stood on his own size-3 feet and began a drunken-sailor walk along the coffee table. Soon we were cruising our way back to contentment. At least he cruised. I mostly followed along behind replacing books on shelves and pillows on couches. He was so proud of himself, for a few days he even insisted on standing during diaper changes. So what? He was happy, and I was at peace.

Who knew that children could get frustrated and touchy—sometimes for weeks—before mastering a new skill? During child development stages, whether it’s learning to roll over, sit up or walk alone, most babies get frustrated when their desires exceed their skills. Though it can be ugly for caregivers, a certain amount of frustration is needed to spur a child on to work hard to master each new skill.

It’s tempting for loving parents to step in and clear all the roadblocks for their children. But I learned that always protecting them from frustration actually robs them of the drive to succeed. And it can hurt their ability to handle life’s challenges.

Still, too much frustration for a child this age can easily lead to meltdowns that nobody enjoys. If your child is going through an unusual testy period, ask, “What new skill might he be ready to learn?” Then try to ease through the transition using some parent-tested tricks.

  • Create a “can-do” environment. Help him figure out a new toy. Walk him through a new challenge, one easy step at a time.
  • Help him to try, try again. If he is trying to take some independent steps, sit just a few feet away and encourage him to try just one or two steps before you catch him. Be sure to give lots of praise when he improves even a little.
  • Watch for overload. Persistent practice is good, but when a meltdown is coming, try a new activity, like snuggling with a favorite book. Then he’ll be ready to try again with new energy.
  • Respect his feelings. Soothe his angry tears and tell him you know how hard life can be when you can’t perform the way you want.

If all this fails and the meltdown or tantrum starts, pretend to ignore him, but stay nearby and be patient. Once he is calm, give him a hug and a little understanding. Avoid getting angry or spanking him when he is already out of control. Your losing control will only scare him more and prolong the outburst.

Most of all, remember that sooner or later, even this storm will pass. Your child will master this skill, and most likely find contentment again. At least until the next challenge rolls around.


 Linda Wacyk is a mother of four children.