Forget the terrible twos. Age 3 was when my son discovered the power of whining. It was a way for him to make both a plea for attention and a push for control. Part of him still wanted to be babied, and part of him wanted to start making some decisions for himself.

Whining could express both sides of that with one annoying tone of voice that he knew drove us nuts.

My wife indulged him for a while. But being the insensitive man that I am, I faced his crying head on with a healthy dose of preschool discipline. Here are a few of my favorite toddler parenting strategies:

  • Ask for an interpretation. Ignore anything said while whining: "I'm sorry dear, I don't understand whining. Try your real voice." Make it clear that crying is okay if she gets hurt, but whining never works.
  • Join in. Kids learn by pretending. So just because they're whining doesn't mean they're not in the mood for some fun: "OK, dear, let's see who can make the loudest whiiiiinnne." When they start giggling, the worst is over.
  • Offer a choice. If you're not in a rush, use time to your advantage to encourage toddler learning: "Son, you have a choice. You can stay here and cry, or you can meet me in the other room and we'll read a book. Whatever is best for you." If he can't hear you because he's crying too loud, try whispering to get his attention or just go in the other room. Put the ball in his court and don't take it back; let him decide how long he wants to complain. Tantrums in children won't last forever
  • Listen. Ignoring whining doesn't have to mean ignoring complaints. Use the conflict as a chance to learn how to work together to solve a problem. Ask questions to help him talk about exactly what he wants, but in a nice voice; ask him to repeat anything said in a whine. Then invite him to imagine a solution that works for both of you: "Ok, you want a piece of candy, but I don't want you to just eat candy and feel sick. How could we both win?" This strategy may take longer to work, but it's a great way for kids to learn a positive way to express themselves and to get what they want -- the two most common reasons for whining. 

Bryan Taylor is the President of EduGuide.