Parenting a child with special needs can make us feel like we are part of the popular television show "Survivor." The difference is, the challenges don't end in a few weeks with a million-dollar check.
Special needs parents have important survival skills that make eating live grubs sound like a fun afternoon activity. These skills include superhuman patience, lots of energy, good communication skills, a sense of humor, creative financial juggling, a positive attitude in the toughest situations, and a huge commitment to developing your child's strengths as those around you note every flaw.
No one said it would be easy. Your most important special needs resources may be these three survival tools: faith, freedom and friendship.
Faith
Turning to faith during challenging parenting moments offers healing, reflection and renewal, whatever your personal spiritual beliefs. It also permits us to call upon a higher power when we feel that we can't possibly face one more unexpected parenting immunity challenge, something most parents of children with special needs will face more than once.
Faith keeps you going when you're feeling human, offering a safe haven to cry or vent powerful emotions like grief and anger without fear of judgment. Faith allows us to voice our deepest parenting wishes and dreams. Faith even helps us find reason for hope when others tell us we aren't being realistic. Reading articles and magazines that nurture your own spiritual beliefs can energize, inform and provide just what you need to move forward with hope and enthusiasm.
Freedom
Freedom is an F-word most of us take for granted. But when serious parenting duty calls, personal freedom is one of the first things to go. As hard as it may seem, it is critical for parents to set aside some free time. A very young child's needs may allow for only brief moments away from your child care responsibilities. Fortunately for many parents, these demands often ease as a child grows older.
Regardless of what season you're in, personal free time is important. Go for a walk, visit a favorite museum, or see that hot new movie. Buy a latte, slowly savoring every single drop.
Shoot some hoops, practice deep breathing. Or write in a journal. Find what you need to make life worth living each day and make it a priority in your life.
Friendship
Finally, friendship is one of the most powerful survival tools in your parenting arsenal. Nothing beats a good friend for unconditional love and support and solid understanding when you need it most. Friends have a way of reminding us of our talents and gifts. They accept our tears and flaws without judgment, while offering a firm shoulder to lean on and a welcomed embrace. Real friends celebrate our successes and ease the sting of failure. When other things fail, good friends rarely do.
After parenting a child with cerebral palsy for nearly 12 years, I know my strong commitment to faith, personal freedom and priceless friendships has helped me through several difficult parenting challenges. As you enter your child's remarkable toddler years, take time to nurture yourself and call upon the power of the three F's often to help you survive, even thrive, in your new parenting role.
Judy Winter is an award-winning journalist and recipient of the Michigan Federated Chapters of the Council for Exceptional Children 2002 Exceptional Parent Award for her work promoting quality education for children with special needs.