Teaching children how to behave appropriately is a tough job. Often the methods we use to discipline kids are ineffective and can actually encourage noncompliance.

However, when parents discipline, there are effective principles of positive discipline that when used properly and consistently can increase the likelihood that children will listen and in the process begin to build the self-control needed to face life's challenges.

Children learn over time what behavior is right from parents' relationsips and when parents set consistent limits and realistic expectations, then clearly and positively define them. Understanding and following concrete rules help children develop self-control -- the goal of discipline.

Positive discipline requires sensitivity to help children understand that mistakes are a part of growing up and not a sign of being "bad."

Even the most capable parents have children whose behavior sometimes tests the limits. The way they react to such situations will help determine whether or not their child will learn self-control.

There is no question about it: Helping children to behave in a responsible way isn't easy. It becomes more challenging when kids test the limits that have been imposed. But discipline is not about power. The goal is to produce a self-disciplined child who is motivated to behave -- who thinks independently and makes the right choices.

Here are the basic principles of positive discipline:

  • Tell children what they can do, instead of what they can't. 
  • Offer children a choice only when you will be able to abide by their decision. 
  • Change the environment instead of the behavior. 
  • Give children clearly defined limits that they can understand and consistently enforce them. 
  • Simply state commands -- "It's time to go to bed now. I'll help you get ready." 
  • Give brief explanations in a positive way -- "Blocks are for building, not throwing. Let's build a tower." 
  • Ignore attention-seeking behavior if it isn't dangerous or destructive. 
  • Follow through on threats of consequences. 
  • Don't mistake explorataion as misbehavior. 
  • Praise and encourage positive behavior.