It can be hard for parents of children with disabilities to take photographs of their children and place them in the family album. Depending upon the severity of your child’s disability, recording his or her birth and early child development stages can be a stinging reminder that your parenting dreams have been seriously shattered.
Try to take the photographs anyway.
This can be a heart wrenching experience for many parents, especially during those early months of development in baby. As you come to terms with your child’s disability and grow in love and acceptance, you’ll be grateful for this pictorial record of his life.
Not only do pictures allow you to revisit moments you may have trouble facing as they happen, photographs can help you see just how far your parents' development and your child have come. Seeing the weight gain in a premature infant, the chubby cheeks in a once-sickly child, or the happy smiles of children celebrating family events can all help parents heal their grief. And, if your child should die, a photograph will serve as a priceless reminder that they once lived.
During those early days of parenting, it can be tough to imagine that you’ll ever want to fully embrace your child’s existence. But chances are you will, and pictures can help you do just that.
While it hasn’t always been easy, I’ll be forever grateful that I forced myself to capture my son’s life moments on film, even when my heart was breaking. Now I look back at where we’ve been to celebrate just how far we’ve come. His pictures allow me to experience the deep love and joy and pride I feel about being his mom. They also help us celebrate evidence of our hard work as parents. Eric’s pictures remind me I can’t imagine loving a child more.
Ten years after becoming the mother of a child with special needs, my only real regret are the empty pages in the photo albums of my son’s challenged life—-memories I can never recapture. Today, Eric’s significant life achievements cover my refrigerator door, as do those of his older sister, Jenna. A few years ago, my son’s photo even appeared in full-page color in an issue of "Parents Magazine" that featured children with special needs. The framed 8 x 10 photograph now holds center stage over the fireplace in our busy family room, a reminder of what we’ve all accomplished.
So get out your camera and snap away, just like other proud parents. Because, as hard as it may be to take your special child’s photograph now, someday you’ll be very glad you did.
Special Tip: Send out birth announcements with a photograph of your child, just like any other parent, even if the photo must be taken in the intensive care unit. This sends the message that the birth of your child is just as important and special as any other. It will also give others permission to acknowledge your child’s birth, by sending flowers, cards and gifts. If you find this too hard to do early on, take your newborn’s photograph anyway and send an announcement at a later date.
Judy Winter is an award-winning journalist on disability issues and the recipient of the 2002 Exceptional Parent Award from the Michigan Federated Chapters of the Council for Exceptional Children.