After parenting a child with cerebral palsy for more than a decade, here is one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned that can help other special parents.
When living with children of special needs, never underestimate the power of a good belly laugh.
Some families may respond that the daily demands of parenting a child with special needs leave them with little to laugh about, especially in the early years of their children’s lives. I understand such dark parenting moments well.
I have survived my share of seemingly endless days with a crying, inconsolable infant. I’ve spent several sleepless nights at the intensive-care bedside of my critically ill toddler. I remember the days spent recovering from depressing visits to humorless specialists who highlighted my child’s every flaw. I’ve learned the unending advocacy required to ensure my child receives a good special education in schools I know the heartache caused by unmet childhood developmental milestones, and I’ve experienced the powerful energy drains of yet another unexpected parenting trauma.
I’ve also learned that the intensity of these parenting demands can often be lessened with a healthy dose of humor. Humor may prove critical to surviving, even thriving, in this often-unexpected family role.
When friends ask how I continue to meet the demands of parenting a child with physical challenges requiring wheelchair use, I tell them my ability to find the slightest bit of humor in tough situations has kept me from jumping off tall bridges more than once.
When you find yourself questioning whether or not you can possibly handle one more special parenting challenge, try taking a break from all the negative stress and worry. Breathe deeply, then look hard for any signs of humor in the situation, even making a joke out of it if that seems appropriate.
Research strongly indicates that using humor and laughter to respond to difficult life challenges, including those involving serious illness, is good for your health. Relieving stress through belly laughs or by smiling at the absurdity of a difficult situation can allow you to return to the challenges of parenting a child with special needs with a clearer mind and renewed energy — resources you’ll need for dynamic problem solving. Laughter also offers physical release for the powerful emotions like grief, anger and guilt that so many parents hold back.
The reality of parenting a child with special needs can be sobering, especially if that child is at risk of dying from those challenges. These children rarely respond to the simple parenting solutions provided by Dr. Spock. New challenges seem to wait behind every uncertain corner. Having a child with special needs places a serious strain on the best marriages and family relationships, making the most dedicated parents think seriously about leaving town, if only for a few hours.
All the more reason to laugh. Try reciting silly knock-knock jokes, rent funny movies or watch good television comedies like "Whose Line is it, Anyway?," "Saturday Night Live," and old favorites like "I Love Lucy." When I need a mental boost, Robin Williams never fails me.
Finding the humor in difficult parenting moments can help keep the toughest life challenges in perspective, allowing parents the opportunity to move forward confidently into this challenging new family role, inch by inch, day by day, belly-laugh by belly-laugh.