It was a sad and startling discovery.

We had been parents for only 72 hours, and already my husband and I were learning one of the hardest lessons of parenting: Our child would sometimes disappoint us.

Don't get me wrong. This first daughter was beautiful in the way only infant babies can be. She had the fingers and toes and dimples and curls to charm our socks off. Trouble was, she stayed awake when we wanted her to sleep, cried when we craved a smile, made noise when we needed quiet and demanded that we feed her far more often than the baby books said she should. Sometimes the task of calming baby--and parents--took heroic efforts

In fact, most of the time she didn't at all fit the image I'd created of the "way my child would be."

She was awfully sweet, though, so we learned to live with the little disappointments. We traded sleep for moonlit lullabies; we traded peace for laughter. And much later, we traded dreams of compliant, contented children for, well, let's just say strong personalities.

Special Needs Parents Must Alter Their Dreams

Nothing, however, prepared us for last summer's surprise. It was then that one of our children found herself face to face with the "monster" of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Now there's an event you don't plan to record in the baby book. But here it was, nevertheless, requiring us to change our plans -- and our dreams -- once again.

Instead of spending days at the beach, we searched for experts to help us meet this new challenge. Thankfully, we found some -- a few through the miracle of the Internet, and some right in our own back yard.

They taught us to cope, and although we might never be free of OCD, we have learned some valuable lessons about meeting unexpected challenges with our kids.

Learning Special Needs Lessons to Cope and Thrive

Whether you face a physical, mental or learning disability, these lessons from parents who have "been there" may make the journey easier:

  • Fight the disability; love the child. Whatever you do, stay on the same team as your child. He or she is probably just as confused and disappointed as you are. Your child may have a problem, but never let him believe he is the problem. 
  • Let yourself grieve. Even if you face only a mild disability, most likely you will have to spend more time, more money and more effort to accomplish what other parents take for granted. That may mean the death of some of your dreams. After you grieve, though, be sure to build new dreams and pursue them with a passion. 
  • Get informed. Arm yourself with the information you need to get the best for your child and for your family. There are lots of resources out there for families; get help sooner rather than later. 
  • Search for the gold. The parents whose stories you'll read in this issue have learned that children come with far more surprises than you expect. But here's the mystery and the hope: those "disappointments" can sometimes become our greatest assets. Like the strong-willed child who makes you tear out your hair--but also has the power to beat back the monster of OCD.


 

Linda Wacyk is the mother of four children and Director of Communications for the Michigan Association of School Administrators.