What can cause a parent stress more than going back to work and finding good care for your child? How about having him look at you and cry when you drop him off the first day? Then, having him do the same thing the second day and the third. By this time, you're both tired, confused and frustrated. Toddler, baby separation anxiety is taking its toll. You may even question your decision to return to work and leave your beautiful, but unhappy, child in the hands of complete strangers.

It's Normal: Baby Just Needs to Adjust

If you talk with other parents, you'll find you are not the only one with this problem. In fact, child care professionals say children fall into two groups during their first weeks of child care:

  1. Those who have problems adjusting from the first moment they toddle into the room. These children typically look around, look back at their parent, and begin to cry right away. 
  2. Those who seem to instantly love their new playmates, and surroundings. This happiness lasts for a week, sometimes two. Then, they realize this is their new routine. They begin to cling to parents and often cry at drop off time.

Tips for Reducing Toddler, Baby Separation Anxiety

It seems all children have to adjust in their own way to being away from home. No matter which type of child you have, there are some things you can do to make drop off time easier for you and your child.

  1. Trust yourself. If you're satisfied the care you've chosen is safe, well-staffed, licensed, and a secure and pleasant place for your child to spend his day, then leave doubts and guilt behind. 
  2. Talk to your child. Explain things as well as you can to your child, telling him you expect him to have a fun day and that you will see him later. Then, drop him off, say good-bye, and go on your way. 
  3. Maintain a happy smile. Don't let him see you appearing concerned or unhappy. Acting upbeat will reinforce to him he is in a positive place. 
  4. Keep goodbyes short and simple. Most care providers caution if you stay around and play with your child, pick him up, or otherwise prolong your leaving, he will become confused by your mixed messages. The staff expects children to have some problems adjusting to their new surroundings, and can tolerate tears. 
  5. Stay in touch. Call after a few hours to see how he is doing. Most likely you'll find he settled down in his own time, and is now content. (Some care centers now have closed-circuit video cameras, so anxious parents can check on their children whenever they want, via the Internet.) 
  6. Stick to the same routine every morning. For instance, wake your child, eat breakfast, dress him for the day, then get into the car and leave. Try not to make stops or do errands on the way to child care. He will quickly become used to the type of day he should expect.

If all else fails, you might consider what a friend of mine does: she makes sure her husband does the morning drop off and then she picks up her son in the afternoons. (This could also work with a willing aunt or grandparent.) Her son does not cling to his dad, and she knows if she were dropping off, she'd probably be the one doing the crying! 


 

(c)2002 Susan Ludwig
Susan Ludwig is the Assistant Editor of "Today's Parent," a Florida monthly newsmagazine. She is the mother of four children.