What should you do if you notice your daughter acting like a bully or if a teacher or another kid's parent calls you and says your daughter is bullying someone? These suggestions can help.
- Listen with open ears. When a teacher or another parent describes your daughter's bullying behavior, it’s natural to react defensively or deny that your child is capable of bullying, but it’s important to take a deep breath and really listen to what the person has to say.
- Keep things in perspective. When talking to the parents of the victim, discuss the issue in a mature, respectful way. It is appropriate to say, for example, “Please don’t label my child or call her names. Just explain what happened.” Remember that this discussion is about the well-being of the victim. It's not an attack on your parenting skills.
- Try to be understanding. Your daughter’s adolescent behaviors may come from feeling vulnerable, as ironic as it seems. Try to discover what might be going on in her life that is making her bully. Has there been a major change or death in your family? Are there other family pressures she might be reacting to? Stress in children can change their behavior drastically.
- Teach control. When you discuss your daughter 's behavior with her, don’t blame her. Emphasize that she is responsible for her own behavior and that anger in children is a normal feeling we have all experienced but one we must control. Teach your daughter alternative ways to deal with aggression such as exercising to work off excess energy (this will be more effective if you do it with her) or spending some time alone listening to music to relieve stress.
- Reinforce kindness. Encourage her (and help her) to do one nice thing for three different people every day, such as helping tutor a younger student, doing some chores to help a neighbor, or spending time with an older relative. This activity helps shift the mind from negative behavior to positive behavior, and it can be very effective. Be sure to model kindness yourself.
- Seek help. If you believe that your daughter is bullying other girls, get her some help as soon as possible. Meet with her pediatrician or family doctor, teachers, counselor, and principal to create a plan to help your daughter work through her problems and get to the root of the bullying. If the bullying persists and all parties agree she needs professional help, ask her doctor to recommend a therapist in your area who specializes in adolescents, preferably one who has treated bullies.