Words are mighty powerful.

They can make us feel good or bad, worthwhile or worthless, self confident or insecure. Words can make us laugh or cry, smile or frown, celebrate or grieve.

Words are especially powerful when used to describe the abilities of our children. Unfortunately, the words often chosen to describe kids with special needs are rarely those that enhance their self-esteem or celebrate their abilities. But their parents can help change this.

Choose your words carefully when you talk about any child with special needs. Labels can serve important purposes. But when placed on children with special needs, labels often magnify a child’s shortcomings, giving these children two strikes before they get up to bat.

Here’s an example of some familiar labels: "She’s the pretty one, the smart one, the quiet child, and the talented musician." Or, "He’s a nerd, a jock, a jerk, a bully or a scholar."

Which ones create positive images in your mind?

Even the most flattering labels can unfairly mark children, creating pressure for them to become what others perceive them to be. Unfortunately for children with special needs, labels are rarely used to promote a positive self-image.

Here are just some words used to describe children with special needs: retard, idiot, slow, Mongoloid, behavior problem, and dumb.

Do these words make you think of a future class Valedictorian?

Try to use only professional labels that help your child qualify for important services. Such labels may include, cerebral palsy, autism or Down Syndrome. These words allow professionals to match children with appropriate services that can improve a child’s health or maximize his potential.

After parenting a child with cerebral palsy for more than a decade, here’s my advice:

  • First, get your child diagnosed as soon as you suspect there’s a problem so your child can qualify for often-critical early-intervention services. The organization Early-On® is a great place to start. Warning! No matter how hard you try, you cannot get these early years back, and they are crucial to brain development in all children.
  • Next, push for the least restrictive label possible. Some labels may result in life-long discrimination for a child. Be aware of what a label really means.
  • Once you have received a professional label that allows your child to receive important services, raise the bar and expect the best. Don’t let anyone tell you what your child won’t do based on that label. Work hard to create a made-to-fit plan that meets your child’s needs, one focused on ability.
  • Always place descriptive words after your child’s name, not before. For example, say, "Johnny is a child with cerebral palsy." Not, "that handicapped or spastic child named Johnny." Would you want to be described in this way? Remember, a child is a child first, not a disability.
  • Finally, use the word “challenges” instead of “problems” when referring to your child’s needs. This simple language shift can help change the way you view your child’s needs, helping you work toward better solutions.

Dr. Jane Goodall said, “Once we have labeled the things around us, we do not bother to look at them so carefully.”

So watch your tongue, and choose your words carefully. 

 

For over sixteen years, Winter has written about the challenging lives of others, as well as her own as the mother of a child with cerebral palsy.