If you have to attend an Individualized Education Program, here's what you need to know:

  • Be prepared. Come to this important meeting armed with knowledge about the laws designed to protect your child’s rights and the services to which your child is entitled; come prepared to celebrate your child’s strengths and challenges. I prepare a user-friendly packet of information that includes important information about my child, a photograph of my son, and updated reports, which I give to everyone who attends.
  • Ask questions about anything regarding the IEP about which you are not clear. Also choose teachers carefully — this can prove essential to the success of other IEP goals. Keep the conversation focused on your child’s strengths, while also brainstorming dynamic solutions to your child’s challenges.
  • Watch your language. Don’t use words that demean your child. Don’t apologize for his disability. Your child has a right to the services that will help him achieve maximum independence and reach his greatest potential, just like other children. Try to avoid using language that is combative or threatening. Rarely will such tactics help you get what your child needs to succeed, and they may actually work against you.
  • Dress appropriately. Right or wrong, we are often judged by outward appearance. That means that professional dress, good grooming and professional conduct during your child’s IEP may earn you greater respect. This is especially important during your first meeting with the school.
  • Be a good communicator, and an even better listener. You get more bees with honey than with vinegar. Thank those in attendance for their contribution on behalf of your child. Try to allow others to speak first, then ask any remaining questions you may have. Disagree in a way that is respectful, even when you are angry. Good communication may help you avoid threatening litigation, action which may make it difficult for your child to receive the services they need right now.
  • Keep the energy level up. Offer to bring a healthy snack or beverages to the IEP. These meetings are often held at a time of day when energy is running low and emotions are running high. A simple energy boost can help everyone to maintain their both their cool and their focus.
  • Don’t forget to laugh. Try to interject some humor into the IEP discussion to help break tense moments. Too often we think we need to be stoic and demanding to get what we need, or save face. But that unyielding approach is exactly what often makes an IEP so unbearable for everyone. You will achieve much better IEP results, for less grief, by sharing appropriate humor at key moments.
  • Invite your child to participate in the IEP process. Your child has a right to be part of this meeting. If your child is older and able to express wants and needs clearly, consider including him or her in the IEP. Your child’s presence can also help keep the IEP focus on the student, while encouraging everyone involved to think carefully about their behavior and attitude in the IEP meeting.
  • Don’t be star-struck. Don’ t allow yourself to be intimidated by people in the IEP. The fact is that a loving, involved and knowledgeable parent is the greatest expert of all. The wealth of information and insight that parents provide about their children help professionals become successful at what they do.
  • Share the spotlight. When attending an IEP and other important meetings about your child, it's important that the voice of each parent present is heard. Prepare for such meetings ahead of time and decide which areas will be addressed by which parent. Such preparation ensures that both parents’ voices are heard and respected in your child’s meetings, instead of one parent feeling left out or ignored.

 

Judy Winter is an award-winning journalist on disability issues and the recipient of the 2002 Exceptional Parent Award from the Michigan Federated Chapters of the Council for Exceptional Children.