Children have vivid imaginations, and they can sometimes be confused about what's real and what's not. We want our children to explore, create and play to their heart's content.

But sometimes we hear stories that might make us wonder: Are our preschoolers telling the truth, or are they lying? 

Inside a Preschooler's World

To young children, the line between fantasy and reality is a thin one, and if they do happen to tell a whopper, it's likely their wild imagination at work. Three- and 4-year-olds tell about people and scenes they see in their minds that they believe to be true. For example, has Steve from Blues Clues ever "joined" you for dinner?

Preschoolers can also take a real situation and blow it out of proportion because they find it so interesting. Your daughter might say that the neighbor's dog had 20 puppies, for example, when really there were only five.

Another reason why preschoolers might lie is to avoid punishment. Although your child's conscience has not yet fully developed, she does know when she's done something wrong.

For example, at our house, "Mr. Nobody" is a member of our family now. He's blamed for everything from a felt marker happy face drawn on the floor to Barbie's new haircut. Though it's Mr. Nobody's fault at first, the truth eventually comes out. 

What You Can Do

It's important to let your child know that you notice when she's not telling the truth. Try not to make a big deal about it, but say something like: "I know you wish that Steve from Blues Clues could come to our house for dinner, but I don't think that could ever happen."

Set an example for your preschooler by not telling lies yourself, even the little white ones. This goes a long way in preventing your child from stretching the truth.

Also, look carefully at the standards you set for your children. Being too strict and not giving your child the chance to make age-appropriate decisions is asking for trouble. Finally, give your child some credit for confessing to a lie. Severely punishing a child for lying, even when he has later told the truth, can cause him to lie more.

Sometimes preschoolers exaggerate or lie when they feel adults are not paying enough attention to them.

Dr. Alice Sterling Honig, a child development expert at Syracuse University says, "If parents are busy with a social life or TV watching, the child may feel neglected." 

Sterling Honig suggests keeping an ear tuned to your preschooler. Let her know you're interested in what she's saying. Only pretending to listen sends a message that you don't care and encourages children to make up stories that catch your attention. 

Breaking the Lying Habit

First be sure your child really has lied. Don't accuse before you know. If your child can't look you in the eye or if a story gets more creative by the second, she is probably not telling the truth.

When you sense your child is starting to lie, cut it short before she gets carried away. Instead of asking, "Did you spill the juice?" ask, "How did the juice get on the floor?"

By focusing on how the juice was spilled, you take the blame off your child and make it safe for her to give an honest answer. Offer to help your child clean up the spill. While you are working together, explain why you don't tell lies in your family.

Don't forget to reward your preschooler for telling the truth. Once she explains what really happened, say, "I'm really happy you told me the truth."

Keep in mind that your preschooler is only beginning to understand what lying is all about. Doubting her can make for an untrusting relationship. When you are patient and slow to accuse, you will actually help her to realize that being honest isn't so bad. And that's the honest truth! 

 

Heidi Hoff ia a mom and writer in British Columbia, Canada.