When it comes to the issue of teasing and harassment of students in our schools, we've all heard that age-old argument-kids will be kids. But do we really want to grant our children permission to model mean-spirited behavior in the hallways of education?
Four years ago, I interviewed several thoughtful and sensitive middle school students, whose lives had been dramatically altered by the repeated harassment of their peers. While I wasn't surprised at the students' words, I was moved by the emotional toll such acts seemed to have taken on them. These students seemed to have been denied the right to learn in a non-threatening atmosphere. I wondered how it could happen right under the noses of the adults entrusted with their education.
Professionals argue that teasing and harassment often occurs in school hallways, just out of earshot. Yet I heard several stories about harassment spilling over into the classroom, within adult view. More and more stories tell about the role student harassment may play in acts of school violence. So it's unacceptable that some professionals claim to be clueless about what's happening to these students on their own turf.
Because I have a child with cerebral palsy, the issue of intolerance holds even greater significance. I know that physical differences often serve as a catalyst for threatening behavior by other students, especially during early adolescence. In reality, students with special needs are at an increased risk for cruel teasing and harassment on a daily basis, regardless of strong parental support.
The only obvious physical differences in most of the students I interviewed, though, were those once familiar to many of us: being socially awkward, not wearing the right jeans, crying too easily or entering puberty too soon. The underlying anger shown by these students still haunts me, as does their belief that the adults in their lives couldn't or wouldn't do anything to stop the abuse. These kids felt compelled to suffer their daily torment in silence, fueling an increasing inner rage.
This wasn't a popular story when I wrote about it four years ago and it isn't today. But after the Columbine High School massacre, teasing and harassment in our public schools is finally being given the serious attention it deserves. The events reported by the students I interviewed didn't shock me, but adult responses to my newspaper article did. Rather than concern and outrage at what students suffered, many adults expressed anger with me for exposing the cancer.
"These kids need to get a thicker skin," and "This kind of story makes our school look bad," many of the adults said. Then, they chanted the most simplistic excuse of all-kids will be kids.
Do these adults really believe that these students provoke this daily torture? And since when did schools become playing fields for the sport of harassment?
I'm not talking about good-natured sparring between two willing parties. These stories included unprovoked attacks whose only purpose was to make the attacker feel superior to someone else.
We should all be outraged at youthful actions that include tossing a student into a trashcan in order to let someone else claim higher social status. More than one student admitted to missing several days of school to avoid such harassment. With tears in his eyes, one child recalled the day he finally lost control and threw a chair across a crowded classroom.
The acts these students endured went far beyond the friendly hallway teasing many of us recall from childhood. Terms like "four eyes" and "nerd" have been replaced by words so profane one student admitted, "I can't repeat them to you today." Many of these students had learned not to show their feelings, bottling up powerful emotions instead.
The students targeted for abuse have changed little over the years. The girls are often not pretty or blond or thin enough, while the boys may lack social graces or athletic skill. They're often inept at fending off the attacks, while many exhibit symptoms of low self-esteem. These students identified their perpetrators as the popular students.
While not all popular students engage in such intolerant behavior, it appears the ability to be mean spirited has become increasingly equated with high social status within our schools and within our society.
Why do we allow it to happen?
It's alleged that school officials at Columbine knew the gunmen were being harassed only days before the fatal shootings, but failed to respond because the accused were popular athletes. This is a serious charge that Columbine administrators have denied during an ongoing investigation. But in the continuing aftermath of the Columbine tragedy, one haunting question deserves an answer. Why do we continue to tolerate anything less than compassion and tolerance for all students in the hallways of our schools?
After spending a powerful morning experiencing harassment through the eyes of some young middle school students, I walked away convinced we can no longer ignore cruel student actions that interfere with the education of some of our students. Perhaps it's time we all worked harder to change the definition of kids being kids.