During the first few years of my son’s life, I spent a lot of time referencing a tattered old paperback copy of "Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care." The book had been well-used by my mother before me, and inside its worn pages I found lots of helpful advice about caring for my own child.

Out of more than 900 pages of tips and wisdom, the most useful piece of information came from the very first page of the introduction: “Trust yourself; you know more than you think you do.”

These words have held true for me at every stage of my son’s development, but they took on new meaning when my husband and I were trying to decide when Alex would be ready for kindergarten. 

Early to Kindergarten?

Last year Alex presented us with an unusual circumstance. He had a late October birthday and was not particularly mature from a social perspective, but he was very bright and already exceeded many of our state’s standards for the kindergarten level.

He was also quite tall, the same height as many of the 8-year-olds in our neighborhood, and most people who met him naturally assumed he was in school already.

Alex’s clear academic ability and physical stature made it difficult for us to justify holding him back a year, but still we hesitated. We knew that kindergarten represented a major transition from play-based learning to classroom-style learning, and we were concerned he was not yet prepared to make that change.

In researching the issue, we found that there are strong views on both sides of the equation. Dozens of Internet bulletin boards and parenting chat rooms are filled with enthusiastic (and frequently hostile) debate, with each side promising dire lifelong consequences if a bad decision is made.

In addition, few statistics are available to support the long-term implications of either choice, making practical evidence impossible to gather. 

Earlier Is Better?

Our concern increasing, we visited with our local school administrator. He clearly came down on the “earlier is better” side, telling us that Alex would benefit from having more advanced peers.

His view was that Alex would work hard to keep up, which would be much better for him in the long run. But still we hesitated, telling ourselves and each other that something about that argument didn’t feel right.

In the end, it was Dr. Spock who told us what to do: Trust ourselves. We went with our instincts and sent Alex to school when he was almost 6.

At this writing, he has been in kindergarten for three months and has just received his first report card. He is doing very well, and his teacher notes that his ability to focus and learn is improving by leaps and bounds. He is confident in school and seems very comfortable with his peers. Now we have all the data that matters – we know we made the right decision for our son.

However, we also know that what is right for Alex is not right for everyone else. Each child is unique, and each situation involves a completely unique set of factors and issues. Simply put, different kids have different needs. There is no one right answer.

So, in the end, we all have to do as Dr. Spock recommends: do the research, but trust yourself. You are your child’s first teacher, after all, and there is nobody on earth who knows better than you do what the right decision will be. 

Stephanie G. Van Koevering is a freelance writer.