This is going to sound incredibly simple, but I want to publicly celebrate the parenting victory I recently had with our son.
Robbie, our headstrong 3-year old, hates getting his teeth brushed. To be honest, it doesn’t fall too high on my list of fun times either. I usually have to get his head in the crook of my arm, his hands squeezing one of my hands while I jam a toothbrush into his tightly closed mouth.
This is always followed up with lots of screaming and gagging. It’s very loud and very dramatic — so dramatic that my husband Rob has been known to call from upstairs to make sure we haven’t killed each other.
But I’m the parent and a control freak, so I’m not willing to: a) Give in to a toddler and b) Write off what I know needs to be done because my son “wouldn’t let me.” (He’s 3 — he doesn’t “let me” do much).
In order to get a better handle on him, I usually keep Robbie in his booster seat at the kitchen table until after the torture session is over. Several weeks ago, his very helpful 5-year-old sister, Grace, decided that her brother was done with his breakfast. So she took him out of his chair. He looked thrilled because he thought he had escaped the toothbrush. Yeah, right!
I chased him around the table — because I love his giggle — and caught up with him in the middle of the kitchen. When I caught him, I sat down and plopped him on my lap.
And that’s when it happened. Instead of fighting with him, I asked him to be “my helper” while I was brushing his teeth.
And he did it. It was a parenting miracle!
He stopped fussing, put his hands down and opened his mouth. I brushed — quickly — and then cheered — wildly. He was so proud. I was so stunned. Could it really be that simple with my little man?
I’ve been looking into why toddlers resist. While I have found many different theories, most have one common theme. Toddlers, children between the ages of 18 months and 3-years-old, resist because they can. They have discovered that they have the “power” to say (or scream) “No” and run around the kitchen table.
As annoying as it is for parents to hear “No!” or “Do I have to?” over and over and over again, this is a normal and necessary childhood phase that will one day lead to strong and independent kids.
Great! But what about right now? The best advice that I found is simply this: Give your child appropriate choices. For Robbie, his choice might be brushing his teeth first without Mommy’s help or having Mommy brush his teeth first and then he can do it all by himself. Either way he is being a helper, but he is also learning to be independent — and all of this with no gagging!
Melanie Ellis is a freelance writer from Farmington Hills, Michigan.